Happy Birthday Eric --
This day is always a mix of emotions for me -- actually the week leading up to it is also. I feel like my heart feels this day before I actually realize it myself. The first jolt was as I was running on the treadmill this morning and the song, "Beautiful disaster" came on. I quickly had to turn it as that was too painful. Every year is a little different. Last year I had the feeling that, yes, he is gone, but he goes on in different ways, and I will see him again one day. Today I just feel that he's not here and I miss him, and it breaks my heart Riley doesn't get the chance to know Eric. I hate when people say, "It isn't fair," but those are the words playing in my head and filling my heart. I miss him very much, and would give anything to have him back and be given another chance with him. I wish I knew then what I have learned now. Sometimes guilt can consume you in situations like this. I have been going through my angel box this morning and found this poem that I have taped up inside of it. I remember praying to God that he would help me feel what's said in this poem because I knew I couldn't live like this forever.
"Yesterday I was angry
At you, at God, at me, at everyone
Yesterday my heart was filled with grief,
sadness, emptiness, confusion, denial.
Yesterday, I broke down, gave up on life,
me.
Today, I have a new understanding
A stronger faith,
A stronger heart,
A stronger soul.
Today, I still miss you,
Need you, love you.
Today I smiled, laughed, and loved.
Yesterday my soul almost died.
Today your soul saved mine."
The new Ninja Turtle movie is out and Eric would surely be one of those geeks in line for the movie the night before! That's what was so great about Eric: his passion for the things he loved. It was great and
contagious! When Riley sees pictures of Eric she always points out his blue eyes. It's funny that Riley knows right away, when she sees a picture of Eric, who he is without really questioning it. I have a feeling the two of them would have had a very special relationship.
Finally figured out how to get a pic of Eric up. Such a sweetie. The bench is Eric's Memorial park bench that my parents got him at Lampe Park in Gardnerville, NV. The inscription reads: "You gave us infinite joy." 
We hope you're all having a great Easter. Yesterday we went for an egg hunt at the Woodland Park Zoo, and we all had a great time. We went and looked at all the animals after the egg hunt. Then we were off to Northgate Mall where we went to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate store. Riley was pretty excited to pick out a chocolate - and so were we! Riley also visited the Easter Bunny, yet again, at the mall. Riley helped me make Parmesan Chicken at home and then we watched Happy Feet. We were pretty exhausted! On Easter Morning Riley was thrilled to see the Easter Bunny had showed up and left her an Easter basket. Her first response was, "I'll have to tell the Easter Bunny thank you!" (We videotaped it, so when I have time, I'll put it on the Blog along with the other videos)
The Easter Bunny brought Riley some Crocs along with Jibbits for her shoes. She loves these shoes - well, shoes in general, but she likes how she can put the different jibbits on them. Riley really enjoyed Easter this year, and it was so fun to be able to see all the excitement she has.
Riley's day started off with one of her favorite gifts, and that was this little Mermaid dress. She is so proud of this dress. It's very special to her and she is always asking to wear it, even when it's not very convenient! She had just opened this Elmo chair and was very excited. We made her favorite breakfast, which was strawberries and sausage - that's right - strawberries and sausage! Riley and I stayed home together this day and worked on our party favors and just getting ready for her birthday. It was a day of her "favorites," so of course that included a trip to the park! 
This right here was my favorite part of Riley's birthday. We had so much fun doing the party favors and Riley really was a big help! She loves to help out in the kitchen, and this was something she could easily do. With the leftover chocolate we made these strawberries also. They were so good, and I think I ate too many!
The next day we were off to build-a-bear as that was one of Mawda's gifts - a gift certificate to Build-a-Bear! Riley had a great time and picked out this cute calico kitty. She picked out a Seattle Mariner's outfit with sunglasses, tennishoes, et cetera, and then got it some Peejays and, of course, a carry pack so she could carry it easier.
Do you think the adults had more fun than the kids? Hmm... This is Riley's favorite place - Jump Castle. Really called Jump Party, but don't even think of calling it that as Riley will get very upset and correct you. We take Riley to this place every Monday evening, and it's just a blast. We love it. There are huge climbing walls, great slides, everything you could want. Riley enters this room and has no fear of anything. I hardly saw Riley during this period; she was always running around with her friends! It was so great seeing her with the children she spends her days with in day care. They are all such a great group of kids, very gentle and sweet. The second picture there is Jason's dad. I love that picture! 
